We got denied for our visa right away.
One week after we moved "for the summer" to Arizona.
It is now December 9th, and we are still in Arizona, summer is gone and we remain.
The last 7 months have been heavy with emotion and with questions. We had questions when we were moving from Seattle down here to Arizona, which were satisfied in the comforts of financial provision in abundance, a quickly approaching visa appointment, being able to accept the invites to family functions, and the excitement for September when we would be moving to Mexico.
That was all 7 months ago, now, finances are uncertain, that visa appointment came and went with a stamp of rejection, September passed quickly and we are still in Arizona, living in my in laws home, humbled.
Humility has been God's lesson of choice for me in this season of feeling like my life has been on pause. Humility before Him, I am not in control, I don't know best even when I feel like I do. Humility before others, being willing to set my needs aside, learning to accept from another, knowing I have nothing to give in return. Humility in my mothering, I am not a perfect parent, but I can love, and my identity is not in how my child behaves. Humility in my marriage, I need a lot more than I can give right now, and there is not room for guilt in the act of receiving.
There is no neat beautiful way to package this story as we are living it as I type this.
I just want to be real and honest, that right now I am feeling humbled, and a little disappointed; even though I can look back over the last 7 months and see how much God has worked and how if we left at the end of summer we would be lacking a lot of learning, clarity, and depth for what comes ahead in Mexico.
I am allowed to hold gratitude and disappointment in the same hand. You are too.
I am grateful for my in laws opening their home to me for the last 7 months,
I am disappointed we don't have a home of our own.
I am grateful for a clear vision for our move to Mexico, I am disappointed we are not there yet.
I am grateful for the humility God has worked in me, I am disappointed that it also hurts.
I am grateful for dual citizenship for my husband and kids, I am disappointed that we didn't know that was an option sooner.
I am grateful, and I am disappointed. I am choosing to trust God with my now and my future.
Holding two complicated emotions, and being honest about them, invites change and growth into your life.
It probably will be messy. Choosing gratitude and trusting God in the face of disappointment might go different ways than you'd expect, but God is interested in who we are becoming; so we must press on with wounded hearts and open hands, trusting the Creator more than the process.
To read more about our process; the call, the waiting and the move to Mexico, see the related posts below.
To read specifically about our mission and to support us, head over here!
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